Reawakening: A Tale of Kings Fans (2004)

[VF21]

BTC (before the crash) we here at Kings fans had a story going. It was being written by the member, SEVEN WORDS at a time. In other words, a person would add seven words exactly (no more and no less) to the previous post, in an attempt to tell a story. People weren't allowed to follow themselves and it was strongly recommended that people try and maintain a storyline.

Here's what we had when the story died...

(posted in a couple of parts because of the length)...

 

[VF21]

Reawakening: A Tale of Kings Fans (2004 edition)

Kevin heard his name and jumped up, excited that his favorite team picked him.

Then, on Kingsfans.com, someone dissed him badly. It was a very sad, horrible thing. Lurking, at least one Kings player read that Kevin looked like Doug Christie, only able to get to the line mysteriously.

"What was Geoff Petrie thinking?" asked some fans. "We needed big men not another guard." Geoff said, "Wingmen adapt quicker and we don't need a big fat toe!"

Kevin didn't care. He was on the best NBA team in the world, with the exception of the Monstars, who don't play in the NBA anyway.

Kevin ran to the airport, anxious to sign his first NBA contract, and meet his long-lost brother, DC. Kevin's flight left on time, in fair weather; however, disaster struck within minutes. The plane went down but Kevin soon realized it was just he who survived. He was lost, alone and in danger of missing Summer League!

He looked to see where he was. He saw some fields and a river and many cows were grazing in the field. Kevin looked around and saw a basketball. "I'll call you Spaulding," exclaimed Kevin. This made Wilson very jealous, but Wilson wasn't in this story so he licked his wounds and went home.

Kevin tried to figure out which way would take him to the summer league. He happened upon a strange furry animal that had escaped from VF's forest, so VF had to go find the animal. She started walking, slowly at first, then she was running as fast as she could, when suddenly she bumped in to none other than Mr. Doug Christie who told her to find her own story.

Meanwhile, Kevin continued on his journey to camp. Ten days early, he visited Sacramento landmarks that were tagged with "Shaq rules" so he went to Arden Mall to get his own can of spraypaint so he [could] spray over all the Shaq graffiti. He soon finished his task and looked for a place to have lunch and pick up his cell phone to call Ghostbusters, but they were no help so he walked to Burger King and ordered a burger, but he remembered the double-six-dollar.

"Was it really as good as a high dollar burger?" He ordered three because he thought he was a hungry as God only knows! He added some Crisscuts because he wanted to bulk up for his first Summer League Game as a Kings player. Who on earth would not want to be a Sacramento King!

Kevin Martin, like many other players, couldn't wait for his chance to be a King. All of the sudden, a big black crow landed on his shoulder and said to him, "You will win a ring in Sacramento. It's inevitable, now that the Lakers have imploded."

The crow flew away, and Kevin wondered what in the world was in that time warp he just experienced due to apparently eating too much and passing out.

 

[VF21]

Kevin no had a headache the size of Saturn, because of all the greasy cheeseburgers, fries and onion rings.
"Oooooooh...I must find something to ease the pain of knowing that there is nothing the Lakers can do to remain competitive," said Kobe's apparition, which appeared to Kevin in a dream after too many cheeseburgers. He realized Burger King wasn't that far but the thought of a burger was (was) really rather revolting so he got a bottle of the pink stuff to ease his heatburn, indigestion, and upset stomach. He started to sip at the pink stuff, when suddenly he saw something on the side of the road. He had gotten the alcoholic pink stuff and was pouring it out because it was rotten.
Meanwhile, back in the capital city, there was a big crash. "Oh, no!" said DC as the car swerved towards the Victoria's Secret lingerie department. "Say, there's a bunch of panties on a good sale. Think I'll buy Jackie some iron ones."

With that TMI Kevin was completely shocked. He didn't know what TMI was. So, he went in search of someone who would play video games. He thought Bibby would have time for some hoops games and it would be good for Kevin to experience just how life is going to be (as) a King.

Now, Bibby was racking up the points and not letting him even get a single rebound so Kevin, in a rage, threw his control and went out for a banana split. A guy from Loaves and Fishes saw him getting sick outside a pawn shop and, thinking he was homeless and malnourished, grabbed him and took him to shelter.

The well meaning personnel thought Kevin was starving, so they forced him to eat soup. "I'm a Sacramento King!" shouted Kevin. Incredulous at the prejudice of others, he quietly set about wriggling free from the striaghtjacket! He WAS a King and he could overcome any obstacle that may arise!

Kevin was safe - until he felt the bag slide over his head, effectively cutting off that annoying cowlick that he'd been trying to control. Unfortunately, he couldn't see either. It was dark and he was still dedicated to the unruly patch of hair.

Now, being exhausted from gulping for air, he tried unsuccessfully to run towards the bright purple lights he saw in front (in front) of him, shining through the bag.

"Not so fast," a voice said. "That bag happens to be mine," the voice called.

"Can you describe the contents?" asked Kevin.

"My childhood picture with my long missing favorite rock. I found that rock when I was sunbathing with Brooke Shields last year."

 

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"Whatever!" said Kevin. "Get it off my head and we can negotiate for the rock."

Ailene Voisin cackled, "I'll never compromise!" then disappeared.

Meanwhile, Doug got off work and decided to find Kevin. He started searching the local ice cream shops since that was where he hung out. Doug loved ice cream. He didn't know that this particular ice cream shop was just moments away from where Kevin was held captive!

Doug heard someone yell something that sounded like "HELP!" only muffled. Doug ran towards the sound only to find out that it was merely the wind. But then, on second thought, maybe not. He looked around closely, checking every alley and every staircase leading to the roofs.

On the roof, he found someone line the mad man plaguing his dreams. Only that is where he found the whispering stovepipe. The pipe said, "Doug, rescue Kevin!"

Aggravated beyond belief, he shouted into the stovepipe, "Kevin who? Who are you talking about? I don't know what is going on!"

"He is your long lost brother! You must rescue him if the Kings would like to begin summer camp next week. It is up to you, for you and he are 'The Once and Future KINGS. SPL can not go on without Kevin."

"You're a stovepipe!" Doug screamed.

"So? Do you have something against stovepipes?"

Doug thought about it. He really didn't dislike stovepipes and this one sounded a little bit like Geoff Petrie! How strange!

He considered what his next step should take. He scratched his head and thought about the way he treated Mike Bibby.

**end of part 4**

Moving on, Doug decided to do something extraordinary, so he grabbed some jujifruits and waited for more wisdom from the stovepipe. He waited for over an hour until the stovepipe became so hot it melted.

Eating jujifruits, he wondered about M&M. Suddenly, the voice came back and told him, "If you built it, they will come."

So he wandered into the tomato field and sat down. Doug was confused. He ate a tomato, pondering a new arena.

"FIND KEVIN!" The voice bellowed from above.

Doug awoke from his daydreaming. Determined to win a championship, he once again remembered his mission. Kevin was on speed-dial! He picked up his cell, then realized he was right next to Arco Arena. Thinking he'd find Kevin inside the practice area, he wandered inside and took a practice jumpshot. The sound of swishing filled his heart with a desire and emotion to fulfill the quest for the ring.

"Kevin! I've been searching for you everywhere!" said his fairy godfather, the Pringles Man.

Meanwhile, Doug wondered how the story jumped to him finding Kevin. But never mind. He was on a mission. A mission founded by priests in 1797 to educate the fans of this team some manners!

"Oh, it's only you, Doug," said Mr. Rogers. "I don't know how I got into this storyline. Would you like to come back to my place and help straighten out this storyline? I admit to being a bit confused, but I think someone here knows what is going on. Which is why we will now go up to Geoff Petrie's office and ask him to explain the meaning of life."

"The meaning of life?" said Geoff. "That is something that I, of all people, can't just tell you. I might TRADE for it, but I want the Fountain of Youth. That way my players will stay off the injury list. This is my offer."

 

[VF21]

IMHO, our story is already much better than the "superstar" epic they're posting on the official Kings site...

 

[Prophetess]

so far so good....shall we continue?

 

[VF21]

I think we should wait until the off-season. I only posted it because I was so disgusted with the Kings Super-Six stuff.