kingsfans.com presents
by Stephen Tetsu, Also a Subpar Rebounder
This picture of Lawson struggling to keep up with Lillard seems about right.
The first week went great and probably above expectations. The second week was, well, a different story. The third week? Somewhere in between. But such is life in Kingsland, a strange magical terrain in which this week’s “We’re going to the playoffs!” becomes next week’s “Blow this team up!”
In case I haven’t made myself clear over the years of writing dumb stuff about the Kings and sports in general, I’ve always found the overreactive zero-to-one-hundred aspect of sports fandom to be the dumbest part of the whole twenty-first century sports experience. You either have to be the best or the worst and there is no room to be anything in between. The truth lays somewhere in the middle: There can only be one champion, as well as one winner of the NBA draft lottery, and the rest of the teams are all somewhere in between.
So where do the Kings lie on this spectrum? Well, despite the loud speculation on the part of fans everywhere (be it Kings fans or people who just want Boogie on their team), that’s still yet to be determined. The Kings have played eleven games, eight of which came without their best point guard, seven of which came on the road, four of which have been the second night of a back-to-back, and nine of which have been pretty close games. The coach hasn’t had time to install most of his system because, well, the Kings have been on the road and playing an absolutely torrid schedule.
Now that the Kings are finally starting to get a little time to actually practice, we might actually start to get a fuller look at the state of the team as intended.
There are some trends starting to form, however.
First, Boogie is still really good at basketball. This goes without saying but he’s already pretty much established himself as the best player to ever put on a Sacramento Kings uniform and none of your “But what about Mitch or Webber?” arguments is going to change my mind. When his teammates are getting him the ball and he’s not being mobbed by three or four incredibly grabby defenders, there’s simply no stopping Demarcus. He’s also really playing some good defense under Joerger and the Boogie-Kosta lineup isn’t nearly the tire fire everyone assumed it would be to start the season.
Second, Rudy Gay is also really good at basketball. Lost in the exclusion zone of last season’s nuclear implosion, the solid scoring machine Rudy Gay from the Malone year (and an eighth) has reemerged and it has been glorious. While he may have lost some lateral quickness over the last couple of years, Rudy has been giving solid effort on the defensive end, playing effective offense out of the post, and generally showing us why it’s a stupid idea to just dump people whenever they request a trade. Boogie and Rudy have been one of the best 1-2 duos in the league.
Three, the Kings haven’t been nearly as bad as some people would have you believe. Have the Kings been particularly good? No, not really. But have they been bad bad? No. Though the season is still young, the team has established itself as a perfectly mediocre team, ranked 17th in offensive rating and 23rd in defensive rating, both not exactly amazing statistical numbers but neither all that awful, especially when factoring in the Kings 29th(!) place pace ranking. Yes, they can still struggle guarding the perimeter at times (especially when Ty Lawson is stuck facing bigger point guards… or everyone in the NBA) but they are miles ahead defensively of where they were under Karl.
Four, the Kings have apparently forgotten how to rebound. With Boogie experiencing a down year in terms of grabbing boards, Rudy Gay has largely been the best rebounder on the team, which isn’t particularly a good thing. Much has been made about Willie’s struggles to not be a weenie so I’m going to leave that as is for now. Kosta Koufos also remains Kosta, that is to say he remains a perfectly solid big man who has limbs of stone. That being said, we’re still ranked 19th in Defensive Rebounding Percentage, in other words, perfectly mediocre.
And you know what? Considering the last several years, I'm alright with mediocre for the time being. Bay steps. Baby steps. At the very least, our new jerseys don't suck...
The Team
Boogie - Best big in the league.
Rudy - Mommy, can we keep him?
Kosta - Stone hands and inability to jump hide the fact he's still actually a good role playing big man.
Afflalo - Old and not all that great. Still not at Nick Anderson levels of suck though.
Lawson- Undersized. Can't shoot. Can't defend. Can drink lots of booze though. Maybe we can challenge the Clippers to a nice game of Beer Pong instead.
Darren - Welcome back. Please start and play all of our PG minutes.
Barnes - A vet who sometimes plays like an idiot. But he's our idiot.
Temple - Good defender. Can't complain.
WCS - Afraid of the ball.
Rest - Mateen
Rookies - Have fun in Reno. If a hooker tells you she loves you, it's probably a lie.
Awards Time
These awards are cumulative over the past two weeks of the season.
Tony Delk Memorial Award- Mirza Teletovic. The Bucks game was the worst loss of the season and Mirza Teletovic was largely responsible. The dude’s one really ability is three point shooting, which of course meant the Kings had to make him look like the second coming of Larry Bird out there.
Rafer Alston And-1 Award - The Entire Los Angeles Lakers backcourt. Never has there ever been such a collection of chuckier chuckers in the NBA. Between Nick Young, Lou Williams, D’Angelo Russell, and Jordan Clarkson, you have the NBA’s best argument for playing basketball with two balls at a time. Streaky shooters can shoot. But when you’re the Lakers and probably losing your draft pick this year, you can shoot like there’s no tomorrow because, well, there isn’t.
Shareef Abdur-Rahim Award - Udonis Haslem is probably going to be playing basketball for the Heat until the sun inevitably expands and consumes the Earth in its heat. He doesn’t really do anything all that well anymore. Come to think of it, I’m not sure he ever really did do anything great even when he was young. And yet, there he was, hacking Boogie with no regard for human life. And there he shall be for the next several thousand centuries.
Spencer Hawes Humanitarian Award - D’Angelo Russell. No matter how pissed you may be, telling a fan to S your D is never really a good thing. It’s also nice to know that someone is going to be there to be your most hated Laker for the next decade plus.
Mikki Moore Award - Willie Caulie-Stein. Dunks. Check. Loud physical appearance. Check. General ineffectiveness. Check. Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
Jason Hart/Andres Nocioni/Ramon Sessions/Marco Bellinelli Award - Ty Lawson. When the season started, I thought he still had it. He doesn’t have it.
WTF Moment of the Week(s) - The Miami foul call… Followed up two weeks later by the exact same situation being called in reverse.
What’s Next?
The Kings finally get a bit of a breather. And then more punishment on behalf of the NBA schedule gods.
November 16th, 7:30PST Kings vs. Spurs
On the plus side, the Spurs have sort of struggled over the last couple of weeks since beating us. On the minus side, they’re still the Spurs which means Kawhi’s probably dropping forty on us en route to another patented victory. Pau and Tony Parker are both really starting to show their age though.
November 18th, 7:30PST Kings vs. Clippers
Hey, a nationally televised game! Unfortunately, the Clippers have looked like the best team in the NBA this year. Remember that time we traded Luc Mbah-a-Moute for a Coke machine? He’s currently the starting power forward for the Clippers. Maurice Speights was also a really good signing for the Doc River this season and Austin “Nepotism” Rivers has actually looked like an NBA player this year. Still not going to be easy but we can at least watch Boogie show Deandre Jordan who the best center in the league is.
November 20th, 6:00PST Kings vs. Raptors
Why, scheduling gods, why?!!! Sure we beat the Raptors last time around but they’re still a really good team and DeMar DeRozan is destroying teams while playing with a style that is essentially the basketball equivalent of an actual velociraptor. They also have the cutest throwback hardwood center court logo ever for some reason.
Things aren’t going to be easy but, on the bright side, in two weeks, we get to play the Nets, Wizards, and Sixers all in a row so we just need to keep duct-taping things together until them.
Kings Week in Review: Weeks Two and Three
by Stephen Tetsu, Also a Subpar Rebounder
This picture of Lawson struggling to keep up with Lillard seems about right.
The first week went great and probably above expectations. The second week was, well, a different story. The third week? Somewhere in between. But such is life in Kingsland, a strange magical terrain in which this week’s “We’re going to the playoffs!” becomes next week’s “Blow this team up!”
In case I haven’t made myself clear over the years of writing dumb stuff about the Kings and sports in general, I’ve always found the overreactive zero-to-one-hundred aspect of sports fandom to be the dumbest part of the whole twenty-first century sports experience. You either have to be the best or the worst and there is no room to be anything in between. The truth lays somewhere in the middle: There can only be one champion, as well as one winner of the NBA draft lottery, and the rest of the teams are all somewhere in between.
So where do the Kings lie on this spectrum? Well, despite the loud speculation on the part of fans everywhere (be it Kings fans or people who just want Boogie on their team), that’s still yet to be determined. The Kings have played eleven games, eight of which came without their best point guard, seven of which came on the road, four of which have been the second night of a back-to-back, and nine of which have been pretty close games. The coach hasn’t had time to install most of his system because, well, the Kings have been on the road and playing an absolutely torrid schedule.
Now that the Kings are finally starting to get a little time to actually practice, we might actually start to get a fuller look at the state of the team as intended.
There are some trends starting to form, however.
First, Boogie is still really good at basketball. This goes without saying but he’s already pretty much established himself as the best player to ever put on a Sacramento Kings uniform and none of your “But what about Mitch or Webber?” arguments is going to change my mind. When his teammates are getting him the ball and he’s not being mobbed by three or four incredibly grabby defenders, there’s simply no stopping Demarcus. He’s also really playing some good defense under Joerger and the Boogie-Kosta lineup isn’t nearly the tire fire everyone assumed it would be to start the season.
Second, Rudy Gay is also really good at basketball. Lost in the exclusion zone of last season’s nuclear implosion, the solid scoring machine Rudy Gay from the Malone year (and an eighth) has reemerged and it has been glorious. While he may have lost some lateral quickness over the last couple of years, Rudy has been giving solid effort on the defensive end, playing effective offense out of the post, and generally showing us why it’s a stupid idea to just dump people whenever they request a trade. Boogie and Rudy have been one of the best 1-2 duos in the league.
Three, the Kings haven’t been nearly as bad as some people would have you believe. Have the Kings been particularly good? No, not really. But have they been bad bad? No. Though the season is still young, the team has established itself as a perfectly mediocre team, ranked 17th in offensive rating and 23rd in defensive rating, both not exactly amazing statistical numbers but neither all that awful, especially when factoring in the Kings 29th(!) place pace ranking. Yes, they can still struggle guarding the perimeter at times (especially when Ty Lawson is stuck facing bigger point guards… or everyone in the NBA) but they are miles ahead defensively of where they were under Karl.
Four, the Kings have apparently forgotten how to rebound. With Boogie experiencing a down year in terms of grabbing boards, Rudy Gay has largely been the best rebounder on the team, which isn’t particularly a good thing. Much has been made about Willie’s struggles to not be a weenie so I’m going to leave that as is for now. Kosta Koufos also remains Kosta, that is to say he remains a perfectly solid big man who has limbs of stone. That being said, we’re still ranked 19th in Defensive Rebounding Percentage, in other words, perfectly mediocre.
And you know what? Considering the last several years, I'm alright with mediocre for the time being. Bay steps. Baby steps. At the very least, our new jerseys don't suck...
The Team
Boogie - Best big in the league.
Rudy - Mommy, can we keep him?
Kosta - Stone hands and inability to jump hide the fact he's still actually a good role playing big man.
Afflalo - Old and not all that great. Still not at Nick Anderson levels of suck though.
Lawson- Undersized. Can't shoot. Can't defend. Can drink lots of booze though. Maybe we can challenge the Clippers to a nice game of Beer Pong instead.
Darren - Welcome back. Please start and play all of our PG minutes.
Barnes - A vet who sometimes plays like an idiot. But he's our idiot.
Temple - Good defender. Can't complain.
WCS - Afraid of the ball.
Rest - Mateen
Rookies - Have fun in Reno. If a hooker tells you she loves you, it's probably a lie.
Awards Time
These awards are cumulative over the past two weeks of the season.
Tony Delk Memorial Award- Mirza Teletovic. The Bucks game was the worst loss of the season and Mirza Teletovic was largely responsible. The dude’s one really ability is three point shooting, which of course meant the Kings had to make him look like the second coming of Larry Bird out there.
Rafer Alston And-1 Award - The Entire Los Angeles Lakers backcourt. Never has there ever been such a collection of chuckier chuckers in the NBA. Between Nick Young, Lou Williams, D’Angelo Russell, and Jordan Clarkson, you have the NBA’s best argument for playing basketball with two balls at a time. Streaky shooters can shoot. But when you’re the Lakers and probably losing your draft pick this year, you can shoot like there’s no tomorrow because, well, there isn’t.
Shareef Abdur-Rahim Award - Udonis Haslem is probably going to be playing basketball for the Heat until the sun inevitably expands and consumes the Earth in its heat. He doesn’t really do anything all that well anymore. Come to think of it, I’m not sure he ever really did do anything great even when he was young. And yet, there he was, hacking Boogie with no regard for human life. And there he shall be for the next several thousand centuries.
Spencer Hawes Humanitarian Award - D’Angelo Russell. No matter how pissed you may be, telling a fan to S your D is never really a good thing. It’s also nice to know that someone is going to be there to be your most hated Laker for the next decade plus.
Mikki Moore Award - Willie Caulie-Stein. Dunks. Check. Loud physical appearance. Check. General ineffectiveness. Check. Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
Jason Hart/Andres Nocioni/Ramon Sessions/Marco Bellinelli Award - Ty Lawson. When the season started, I thought he still had it. He doesn’t have it.
WTF Moment of the Week(s) - The Miami foul call… Followed up two weeks later by the exact same situation being called in reverse.
What’s Next?
The Kings finally get a bit of a breather. And then more punishment on behalf of the NBA schedule gods.
November 16th, 7:30PST Kings vs. Spurs
On the plus side, the Spurs have sort of struggled over the last couple of weeks since beating us. On the minus side, they’re still the Spurs which means Kawhi’s probably dropping forty on us en route to another patented victory. Pau and Tony Parker are both really starting to show their age though.
November 18th, 7:30PST Kings vs. Clippers
Hey, a nationally televised game! Unfortunately, the Clippers have looked like the best team in the NBA this year. Remember that time we traded Luc Mbah-a-Moute for a Coke machine? He’s currently the starting power forward for the Clippers. Maurice Speights was also a really good signing for the Doc River this season and Austin “Nepotism” Rivers has actually looked like an NBA player this year. Still not going to be easy but we can at least watch Boogie show Deandre Jordan who the best center in the league is.
November 20th, 6:00PST Kings vs. Raptors
Why, scheduling gods, why?!!! Sure we beat the Raptors last time around but they’re still a really good team and DeMar DeRozan is destroying teams while playing with a style that is essentially the basketball equivalent of an actual velociraptor. They also have the cutest throwback hardwood center court logo ever for some reason.
Things aren’t going to be easy but, on the bright side, in two weeks, we get to play the Nets, Wizards, and Sixers all in a row so we just need to keep duct-taping things together until them.
Go Kings!!!
